Plan B is the new Plan A
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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