A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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