If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
