im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
