Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
