dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
