My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
