Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
