You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
