I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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