I think i peed on brittanys purse
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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