A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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