Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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