I want to make a zoo with you.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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