uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
