okay pat passed out under dana's car
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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