Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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