That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
