Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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