god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
