I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
