Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
