Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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