tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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