I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
