College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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