She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
