Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
