you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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