I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
