Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
