I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
