When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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