My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
