Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
