Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
