After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
