i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
