Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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