I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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