She's JV to your varsity
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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