I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
