She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
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