i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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