this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
