I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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