we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
