I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
