I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
