it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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