Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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