I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My hand turned me down
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
