I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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