Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
