and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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